The Noticer

Then one fateful day, things changed. We'd just picked my older daughter up from kindergarten and were getting out of the car. Not going fast enough for her liking, my older daughter said to her little sister, "You are so slow." And when she crossed her arms and let out an exasperated sigh, I saw myself -- and it was a gut-wrenching sight.

I was a bully who pushed and pressured and hurried a small child who simply wanted to enjoy life.

My eyes were opened; I saw with clarity the damage my hurried existence was doing to both of my children.

Although my voice trembled, I looked into my small child's eyes and said, "I am so sorry I have been making you hurry. I love that you take your time, and I want to be more like you."

Both my daughters looked equally surprised by my painful admission, but my younger daughter's face held the unmistakable glow of validation and acceptance.

"I promise to be more patient from now on," I said as I hugged my curly-haired child who was now beaming at her mother's newfound promise.

It was pretty easy to banish "hurry up" from my vocabulary. What was not so easy was acquiring the patience to wait on my leisurely child. To help us both, I began giving her a little more time to prepare if we had to go somewhere.

When my daughter and I took walks or went to the store, I allowed her to set the pace. And when she stopped to admire something, I would push thoughts of my agenda out of my head and simply observe her. I witnessed expressions on her face that I'd never seen before. I studied dimples on her hands and the way her eyes crinkled up when she smiled. I saw the way other people responded to her stopping to take time to talk to them. I saw the way she spotted the interesting bugs and pretty flowers. She was a Noticer, and I quickly learned that The Noticers of the world are rare and beautiful gifts. That's when I finally realized she was a gift to my frenzied soul.

My promise to slow down was made almost three years ago, at the same time I began my journey to let go of daily distraction and grasp what matters in life. And living at a slower pace still takes a concerted effort. My younger daughter is my living reminder of why I must keep trying. In fact, the other day, she reminded me once again.

The two of us had taken a bike ride to a sno-cone shack while on vacation. After purchasing a cool treat for my daughter, she sat down at a picnic table delightedly admiring the icy tower she held in her hand.

Suddenly a look of worry came across her face. "Do I have to rush, Mama?"

I could have cried. Perhaps the scars of a hurried life don't ever completely disappear, I thought sadly.

As my child looked up at me waiting to know if she could take her time, I knew I had a choice. I could sit there in sorrow thinking about the number of times I rushed my child through life... or I could celebrate the fact that today I'm trying to do thing differently.

I chose to live in today.

"You don't have to rush. Just take your time," I said gently. Her whole face instantly brightened and her shoulders relaxed.

And so we sat side-by-side talking about things that ukulele-playing-6-year-olds talk about. There were even moments when we sat in silence just smiling at each other and admiring the sights and sounds around us.

I thought my child was going to eat the whole darn thing -- but when she got to the last bite, she held out a spoonful of ice crystals and sweet juice for me. "I saved the last bite for you, Mama," my daughter said proudly.

As I let the icy goodness quench my thirst, I realized I just got the deal of a lifetime.

I gave my child a little time... and in return, she gave me her last bite and reminded me that things taste sweeter and love comes easier when you stop rushing through life.

-- via Maile

slow progress?

 “Be not afraid of making slow progress, be only afraid of standing still.” - Chinese Proverb

-- via Life Coach Jay

the virtue of man

The great virtue of man lies in his ability to correct his mistakes and continually make a new man of himself -- Wang Yang Ming

- David W. Fuller, Costco Connection, January 2013, page 9

Also:

Think of the beauty still left around you and be happy -- Anne Frank

Always be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle -- Plato

watering your grass

-- via roy

rough day?

via lessons learned in life via roy

wuabg

 

via roy

what we think

we become

-- the Buddha

Didn't know the Buddha said this.

So did James Allen, kind of.

BTW, this is The Secret (more or less).

what to look for

via Roy

three questions

From this fool.com article comes George Kinder's three questions about life planning.

Kinder poses three questions:

1. Imagine you are financially secure, that you have enough money to take care of your needs, now and in the future. How would you live your life? Would you change anything? Let yourself go. Don’t hold back on your dreams. Describe a life that is complete and richly yours.
2. Now imagine that you visit your doctor, who tells you that you have only 5-10 years to live. You won’t ever feel sick, but you will have no notice of the moment of your death. What will you do in the time you have remaining? Will you change your life and how will you do it? (Note that this question does not assume unlimited funds.)
3. Finally, imagine that your doctor shocks you with the news that you only have 24 hours to live. Notice what feelings arise as you confront your very real mortality. Ask yourself: What did you miss? Who did you not get to be? What did you not get to do?

Kinder says that answering the first question is easy. There are lots of things we’d do if money were no object. But as the questions progress, there’s a sort of funnel. They become more difficult to answer, and there are fewer possible responses. Life planning is all about answering the third question.

all i need is some reasons

When was the last time you heard something that made you change your mind on a particular topic?

Maybe it was after coming across a new fact, or hearing a cogent argument that gave you new insight, or maybe just your own reconsideration of what you know. Or maybe you don’t seek new information or points of view, but affirmation of what you already believe.

That was the gist of a discussion on a recent NPR Saturday morning show. Unfortunately, I only caught part of the show while driving, and can’t recall the show or host (lost in the blur of the daughter’s wedding day), but the basic premise has stuck with me, and I’ve been thinking about how I come to beliefs and opinions.

Perhaps because I’m an independent (lower-case i) and have views that could be called conservative on some issues and liberal on others, I tend to seek out new ideas and facts, many of which end up challenging my views. I always appreciate a smart argument with strong and honest facts. In this it helps to not be tied to any ideology.

Or, as I say of political talking heads on radio and TV, whether conservative or liberal: I’d hate to wake up every day knowing already what I think before the question has been asked.

Or as James Young has said (with tongue firmly in cheek): “Now that my mind is made up, all I need are some reasons.”

-- Don Chapman, Midweek, 8/22/12

5 things

really smart people do.


Most people don't really think much about how they learn. Generally you assume learning comes naturally. You listen to someone speak either in conversation or in a lecture and you simply absorb what they are saying, right? Not really. In fact, I find as I get older that real learning takes more work. The more I fill my brain with facts, figures, and experience, the less room I have for new ideas and new thoughts. Plus, now I have all sorts of opinions that may refute the ideas being pushed at me. Like many people I consider myself a lifelong learner, but more and more I have to work hard to stay open minded.

But the need for learning never ends, so your desire to do so should always outweigh your desire to be right. The world is changing and new ideas pop up everyday; incorporating them into your life will keep you engaged and relevant. The following are the methods I use to stay open and impressionable.